For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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