i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Someone signed my nipple.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
