We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
