I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
