garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My room smells like vodka and shame
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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