I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
