I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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