my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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