I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
