whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
