I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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