it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The power of my boobs compel you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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