I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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