saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
