the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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