You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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