Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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