I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
