Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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