sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
