I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
