:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
organizing the empties. That sober.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
