i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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