seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize