There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
