This is not my ceiling
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
