it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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