You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
