We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
