If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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