His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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