I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
