the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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