Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
