why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
