someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize