Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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