i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
