Duck Duck Cougar?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
