i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
