I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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