Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
