ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
