Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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