well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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