Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
