margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
too bad you live with your parents still
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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