yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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