Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
