DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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