Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
