Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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