when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
