What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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