I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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