i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
