About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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